A Hyuuga's Heart
by FujikoIzu
Summary: A very special day has arrived for Hinata Hyuuga. Unfortunately, it isn't going quite as she had hoped it would. Hinata-centric reflective one-shot. NejiHina/NaruHina post-canon AU.


''Hinata-sama, you look beautiful.''

Blushing a dull shade of rose pink, Hinata looked down at the floor, her lavender eyes closed in some sort of reverence. It was an impressively sunny day, a day with weather almost as stunning as she was. Though it was still the morning it was already warm, the sunlight seeping gently through the large glass windows of Hinata's bedroom.

''Thank you,'' she replied, her voice no more than a tiny whisper in a sea of chattering people. Many people had been in and out of her rooms today, almost too many to count. They fussed and flitted over her, their painted fingernails fluttering like tiny butterflies all over her softly yielding body until their task was complete. It had taken less time than they had expected to turn this shy young girl into a glowing beauty worthy of everyone's praise. Perhaps even the Hokage, a ridiculously busy man completely caught up in the running of the village, would notice how incredible the transformation had been.

The Hokage.

Today, they were not allowed to so much as mention his name. None of the assistants rushing around in frantic preparation really knew why. Naruto Uzumaki, the Sixth Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, was quite possibly the most talked about person in the entire village. It seemed as if Hiashi had just decided at random that his name would not be mentioned, as if he had rolled a dice to decide a random rule to impose on today's event. From the paper planes of rumours flying around the village, it seemed as if Naruto would not be attending either. It was a shame, really, to miss out on such an important event in the village's history. Still, it could not be helped. If the Hokage had important business to attend to, the Hokage had important business to attend to and there was nothing that could possibly be done about it.

However, as a select few knew, there was a reason behind the Hokage's absence; a real, true reason that had been completely buried by all who knew of it.

As the many assistants exited the room, Hinata decided that it was time to finally look at her reflection in the mirror. Holding up the heavy skirts of her long, ivory dress, she rose from her seat and tiptoed over to the long, curved surface. She was not used to such restrictive clothing, yet somehow she still managed to balance herself, her walk slow and poised as a member of a noble clan's should be. Brushing down the long trails of satin fabric that made up her skirts, Hinata's head rose slowly, almost as if she was unsure of whether she wanted to see the truth that awaited her in the looking-glass. Opening her eyes slowly, hesitantly, her hands flew to her mouth in shock.

_It is real. This is all real. This is… _she choked, the words she wanted so desperately to say unable to take flight from her mind. It was like a dream, like a perfect dream unfolding before her, a perfect dream that she had played and replayed so many times in her mind. She was standing there, glowing like the most precious kind of pearl and playing the part she had been born for so perfectly that it almost hurt.

Almost hurt? No. It truly hurt. It hurt so badly, so deeply that every step she walked felt as if she was stepping on knives. Every breath she took was like a shard of ice ramming itself down her throat, stabbing her right through the heart until she was dead inside, as dead as she could be while still remaining in this world. What was this feeling? Regret? Sadness? Jealously? A mixture of all three? Hinata was not sure. The only thing that she had been sure of was the love she had for Naruto and now that possibility had been taken from her, there was barely anything left in her body. She felt like an empty vase, a glowing, curved lilac vase much like the ones that she used to place flowers in when she was younger. Though the violent shades of yellow and orange clashed with the cool purple, she always insisted on having brightly coloured flowers in her room. Oranges, yellows, reds all burning like the flames of passion that she still felt so keenly in her heart. It was no use. She would have to put them out now, keep them locked away so that nobody would ever find them. Though time would move on in her body, it would always stand still in her heart, the pumping of blood in her veins and the breaths that came from her lungs whispering only one name, one name that she could barely even bear to say any more.

_Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto…_

Half-choking on the last syllable, she stopped mid-way through the name, the pain of having to say that name running down her throat like a thousand pointed knives, their jewelled handles stuck in the poisonous silver spoon that had been forced into her mouth so many years ago that she almost forgot that it was there. She could taste the bitterness of the Hyuuga clan's duty forcing its way down her throat and her chin, staining her new ivory dress the violent shade of jealous purple that she wanted it to be on this day, supposedly the happiest of all days. Was it duty that had provoked her to say yes to him? Was it anger at Naruto for not asking first? Was it…

No. There was no time for such reflection now. Neji had asked her to marry him and she had accepted. It was a spur of the moment decision, a decision made so hastily that even Hinata couldn't believe herself. It was supposed to have brought Naruto around to finally asking her to be his, finally wanting and needing her the way that she was supposed to be. However, as with many of her best-laid plans, it completely backfired. She hadn't spoken so much as a word to Naruto since – not that she had spoken many words to him before the incident, anyway. After that day on the battlefield where her cousin almost died and Naruto had won the war, Hinata had been hopeful that they would finally get their chance to properly speak to one another about everything, to restate her confession from before and to finally live her live for the person she wanted. Sadly, this wish was never to come true. She was a Hyuuga after all and even though he was the village hero, he was still a no-name with no hope of carrying on the Byakugan. Neji was a Hyuuga with one of the strongest Byakugan ever seen. He loved her dearly, more dearly than a person should really love their cousin. Logically, it was a match that needed to happen, that had to happen, that the clan wanted to happen; and so, like all things apparently decided by fate, it happened regardless of how Hinata really felt about this decision.

_Why did I submit to this? Why do I always…_ she cried inside, the tears welling up at the corner of her eyes becoming more apparent as her assistant dragged the netted veil down over her perfectly made-up face. _Why do I always put the happiness of others before my own? I could run away now and confess to Naruto, tell him how I really feel…it's not too late! If I could just get out of this heavy dress, I could… _she dreamt, the images of her flying away in her torn wedding dress filling her mind. The ivory silks weighed heavily on her and she longed to tear them off, to fling her godforsaken bejewelled shoes into a tree and take the hand of the Leaf's Hokage, to run away with him and never be seen again. She wanted them to fly away together, to dance in the sky like the birds nesting in the treetops, to hold hands with him and never let go again. However, as it was, they both had their duties. Naruto was Hokage. He couldn't leave the village, no matter how important Hinata was to him. Hinata was a Hyuuga. She couldn't just throw out her family duties and make an embarrassment of herself by running away on a wedding day that she had already agreed to have. Neji was waiting for her. He would make a good husband and a good father. There was nothing wrong with him. He was her cousin. She didn't want to upset him now, to disappoint him on the day she knew that he had been waiting for for such a long time. There was nowhere to run now, nowhere to hide from the decisions that she had made. She couldn't turn back time and let Neji fully take the bullet for her, no matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't confess her feelings to Naruto now, no matter how much she wanted to. It was like she was trapped, trapped in some kind of prison that she had made for herself, never to escape.

''Hinata-sama, if you would please make your way to the garden…'' came a voice of one of the same-faced lower members of the Hyuuga clan, ''…Neji-sama is waiting for you.''

''Thank you,'' she replied with a small smile, her eyes hidden so not betraying her true emotions. ''I will follow you gladly. Are my bridesmaids ready?''

''Yes, they are,'' the man confirmed as he opened the large double doors to reveal Sakura, Ino and Tenten all dressed in the perfect shade of lilac, cream sashes tied tightly around their waists as they all beamed wonderfully at the seemingly blushing bride.

''I always thought you'd make a beautiful bride!'' Ino squealed, flying towards Hinata and wrapping her arms tightly around her neck in the most crushing hug that Hinata had received all day. ''Make sure you tell us all about marriage, ok? I want to know what's coming next!'' she said as she drew back, holding Hinata's shaking little hands steadily in her own.

''Me too!'' Tenten smiled, her long, brown hair snaking solidly down her back. Tenten and Lee had been together for some time now and it was rumoured that Lee would propose to her after today's wedding, though Tenten vehemently denied this every time that it was suggested. Still, Hinata knew the truth. Lee would propose and within the year, Tenten would be married too – and far happier with the situation than she would ever let on.

''Shall we go?'' Sakura smiled, her plastered-on grin far more strained than the other kunoichi's. For one thing, she was wearing a strapless dress that clearly showed off her lack of breasts and she really wasn't happy about it. For another, she was the only one out of the three of them who knew how Hinata really felt about this arrangement. She didn't like the idea of this wedding at all but after much persuasion, decided that there was nothing that she could do to ameliorate the situation. She would, like her friend dressed in the finest ivory dress money could buy, just have to grin and bear it. After all, it was a celebration. A wedding was a celebration of love; in this case, a celebration of one-sided love, the kind of one-sided love that had plagued the rookie eleven ever since their academy days.

''Yes,'' Hinata replied graciously, bowing slightly to her friends as she walked out in front of them, her skirts making swishing noises around her as she stepped gingerly around the corridor and down the stairs. ''Thank you all for agreeing to be my bridesmaids today.''

''Ah, it's no biggie! Hey, I get first pick on the groomsmen!'' Ino whooped, causing Tenten's cheeks to puff out in indignation as she reminded Ino that her boyfriend was the best man and she certainly wouldn't be going anywhere near him if she wanted to live.

''Don't choke,'' Sakura whispered, leaning forward quietly while Ino and Tenten ferociously argued about whether or not Lee was actually attractive enough for Ino to even consider sleeping with. ''Neji's a good man. It'll be okay. You know what they say – sometimes love comes after marriage.''

''I know,'' Hinata sighed quietly, quiet enough so that she was sure that only Sakura could hear. ''But I…I feel as if I've made the wrong choice. I…''

''You know as well as I do that you can't run away now,'' Sakura hissed, putting her hand reassuringly on Hinata's shoulder. ''Don't worry. It won't be that bad. Naruto…I asked him why he wasn't coming. He's actually in Sunagakure. Shikamaru's not here either, he went with him. Poor Naruto. He's still completely clueless about how you feel!''

''How I _felt_,'' Hinata corrected Sakura, the pain of having to use the past tense stinging through her whole body as she walked towards the door to the garden, the threshold of her married life awaiting her. ''I don't have the luxury of having those feelings any more. Neji Hyuuga's wife loves only her husband.''

''Yes but…'' Sakura trailed, extending her hand as Hinata pushed open the heavy door and walked out into the courtyard, the song of the nesting birds filling her ears as she walked up the quiet aisle towards her destiny. This was something, something that she couldn't change. Call it destiny, fate, whatever you will. If Neji had died that day, everything would have been different. She could have been looking up at the sunshine then down at the tanned blonde face of the Sixth Hokage grinning at her from under a shower of white roses. She could have been Hinata Uzumaki, a proud wife and mother with beautiful, red and blonde and blue haired children. She could have held the hand of the one she loved and kept holding it until the day she died. Sadly, this fate was not to be. In this life, she was approaching a stoical, quietly happy Neji, bowing before him as if this was some kind of ridiculous formality. She was pretending, playing a part, playing the self-sacrificing Princess that she had been born to be. It was like a made-up fantasy, one that she hoped and prayed would hurry up and shatter before it became real. However, this was not to be either. Neji was her fate, her destiny, everything that she had been born to be sat with him. This was the beginning and the end, the end of carefree days and wishing and the beginning of a life that she had been told was hers from the start.

_Neji… _she thought as she stood opposite him, the priest's words like an incoherent mumbling buzz in her ears. _I don't hate you. I could never hate you… _she sighed to herself as he opened his mouth to repeat the words that would bind them together forever. _But I don't love you…not like I love Naruto..._ she thought as she repeated Neji's words, each syllable sticking in her throat and drying her mouth so much that she could barely say the last words.

''Hyuuga Neji, do you take Hyuuga Hinata to be your lawful wedded wife?''

''I do''

''Hyuuga Hinata, do you take Hyuuga Neji to be your lawful wedded husband?''__

''Hyuuga Hinata, do you take Uzumaki Naruto to be your lawful wedded husband?'' said the Priest as Hinata gazed into the bright blue, energetic eyes of the still-youthful blonde Hokage. Hinata hesitated but it was only to create drama, to keep the boy on his toes.

''With all my heart…'' Hinata replied, closing her eyes as she held out her hands to her cousin, ''…I do.''

''I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.''

Lifting her veil gently, Neji smoothly touched the chin of the now open-eyed girl, his lavender-white, pupiless eyes looking directly into her own. Slowly, sweetly, he allowed his hand to snake around her jaw and rest around the back of her neck as his lips drew closer. Closing her eyes, Hinata responded in kind, pressing her lips firmly against his for the first time. As she heard the applause of those around her, Hinata felt her heart pound loudly in her rapidly tightening chest.

_This is a lie… _she screamed inside herself as she continued the kiss, only pulling away when Neji seemed satisfied. _This is all a goddamn lie! I want to…I want to… _she thought impetuously as she closed her eyes and walked hand-in-hand with her cousin back down the aisle, her horrendous thoughts hidden by her soft, rosy blush of innocence. _No. No. I can't now. I'm married. This is it. This is the end. It's over. Any chance I had, it's gone. I only have one option now. I…I…_

_…Neji…_

_As the sun set on the wedding of Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata, the two of them raced to the garden together, shoes in hand and wedding clothes torn and rumpled. Drunk from sake, Naruto jumped on top of the girl, knocking her over as they both giggled riotously, their hands intertwined and lips on fire._

_''I love you, Uzumaki-sama,'' he giggled, kissing her neck as Hinata held him more tightly than he had ever been held by anyone before._

_''I love you too, Uzumaki-sama,'' she laughed, pushing him gently off of her as she sat up. ''But if we do it out here, I think everyone in the village will see!''_

_''Oh. I don't have a problem with that…'' he laughed, nuzzling the girl's neck as he undid the ribbon on the back of the corset of her dress. ''Anyway, as they say, there is a jutsu for everything…''_

_''Oh no. Not the Kage Bunshin! I have enough trouble handling one of you…'' she snorted inelegantly as she stood up, pulling the young blonde with her, ''…come on. You do realise that Konohamaru is behind the tree over there?''_

_''What? KONOHAMARU!'' Naruto yelled, chasing after the figure of the escaping boy. ''Trying to ruin my wedding night with Hinata-chan! I'll KILL YOU!''_

_Hinata laughed disgracefully, her carefully-done hair in a complete mess. This was the way that life should be. There was no doubt about it._


End file.
